dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
