I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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