You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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