I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
