so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
