I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Im part way to drunk.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
