Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
