Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
