so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
