Swine flu is the new snow day.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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