i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
did you just send me my own nude
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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