i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
