If i could tip my vagina, i would.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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