One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
should my penis look like a turkey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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