I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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