So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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