Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
