I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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