Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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