did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
