Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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