it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
