I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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