so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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