im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
