Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
