i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
