I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
