i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
