I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
