So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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