and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's shark week go big or go home
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
