well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize
