I can tuck mytits in my pants
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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