If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
