My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
