I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she pinky promised me she was 18
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
