I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
