The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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