I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
