he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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