So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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