I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
