but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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