I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
