she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
