Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
