i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
