btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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