my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
