Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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