True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
its liver damage thursday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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