What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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