I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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