go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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