dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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