Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
