I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
