You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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