i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
