i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
