you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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