I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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