I heard we made out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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