apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
