bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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